Concern for another person indicates compassion, but you shouldn't be left to deal with it alone
Worry for the wellbeing of a friend, spouse, or family member can cause anxiety, guilt, insecurity, and sadness. The life situation of a person who is close to you naturally affects you and raises questions. However, you don't have to be alone, and you are allowed to talk about your concerns to others and get help. Peer support may be helpful as well. Talking with others who are, or have been, in the same situation often brings some relief.
The illness of a loved one is often a crisis for the whole inner circle or family. When you take care of yourself and your mental health, you are in a better position to help your loved ones. When someone close to you has a drug addiction, mental health challenges, or poor life management skills, it can be challenging to approach them about it. Bringing up the concern is a skill everyone can practice. It is a skill that can be useful within a family, a close circle of friends, and working life, for example. Even a one-off well thought out speech can be a turning point towards improving the wellbeing of a friend or family member.
Worry for the wellbeing of a friend, spouse, or family member can cause anxiety, guilt, insecurity, and sadness. The life situation of a person who is close to you naturally affects you and raises questions. However, you don't have to be alone, and you are allowed to talk about your concerns to others and get help. Peer support may be helpful as well. Talking with others who are, or have been, in the same situation often brings some relief.
The illness of a loved one is often a crisis for the whole inner circle or family. When you take care of yourself and your mental health, you are in a better position to help your loved ones. When someone close to you has a drug addiction, mental health challenges, or poor life management skills, it can be challenging to approach them about it. Bringing up the concern is a skill everyone can practice. It is a skill that can be useful within a family, a close circle of friends, and working life, for example. Even a one-off well thought out speech can be a turning point towards improving the wellbeing of a friend or family member.
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Listening and being heard good for us because:
- Being heard strengthens one’s mental health and wellbeing. Feeling useful and important and being aknowledged boosts our self-esteem. - Being heard fosters self-compassion. We often are too harsh on ourselves and being treated kindly by others helps us to treat ourselves with more compassion as well. - Active listening advances equity and inclusion. We learn to accept diversity and are open to learn new things when we are genuinely interested in listening the other. |
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Today, 10th of October, we celebrate World Mental Health Day. Join us and greenlight listening!
#vihreäävaloa #greenlightlistening #maailmanmielenterveyspäivä #kymppikymppi
#vihreäävaloa #greenlightlistening #maailmanmielenterveyspäivä #kymppikymppi
Talk about your concerns
When you bring up your concern for someone's well-being, try to do it without hurting them and with respect. It is good to talk to them as early as possible, so the potential problem does not get even more significant. The reaction tends to be more positive when you bring up your concern kindly, and the threshold for talking about things will be lower in the future. Tell them sincerely about your own experiences, how you feel, why you are worried, and why you want to address it. Tell them that they are not going to be left alone with the problem. It may be that your loved one is worried as well, but will take a defensive stance when you raise the issue. The goal of bringing something up is not to solve everything at once, but instead ask, listen, and open the conversation. A genuine concern for the other person looks and sounds different to an approach that emphasizes and criticizes their problems.
When you bring up your concern for someone's well-being, try to do it without hurting them and with respect. It is good to talk to them as early as possible, so the potential problem does not get even more significant. The reaction tends to be more positive when you bring up your concern kindly, and the threshold for talking about things will be lower in the future. Tell them sincerely about your own experiences, how you feel, why you are worried, and why you want to address it. Tell them that they are not going to be left alone with the problem. It may be that your loved one is worried as well, but will take a defensive stance when you raise the issue. The goal of bringing something up is not to solve everything at once, but instead ask, listen, and open the conversation. A genuine concern for the other person looks and sounds different to an approach that emphasizes and criticizes their problems.
Talking and asking about the matter you are concerned about is generally less harmful than not asking.
Take care of your wellbeing and endurance. If you are not feeling well, you can't support anyone. Ask yourself, what gives me strength? What do I do when I'm well? Who can I share my concerns with?
Addiction is not always visible
Addiction is a disease. A substance addict, gambler, or other addict wants to hide their addiction, but you don't have to join in their secrecy. As someone close to the addict, you have a right to speak openly about addiction. Keeping the situation secret from friends and employers only maintains the situation and shelters the addict in a harmful way. You are not responsible for the addict's bad behavior, and you don't have to be ashamed of it or try to hide it. When your loved one is an addict, you need to figure out your boundaries and what you are prepared for and what you are not. We are all responsible for taking care of and prioritising our own wellbeing. Support your loved one when they want to sober up or recover. If the situation becomes too hard for you or the one you care for is not ready to take care of themselves, it is not wrong to detach yourself completely. Everyone must make their own wellbeing the most important thing in their lives. It is not rejection, but sometimes the only way to wake them up to the seriousness of the situation. As someone close to the addict, you have the same right to seek help for your situation.
Choose the right time and place to speak up. It is easier when you are both comfortable. It may be easier to talk about something else first and then voice your concern. Don't put pressure on your loved one to speak - the situation can be difficult for both of you, but still, bring your fears about their situation to light. Don't blame them, but don't let them blame you either. You can talk about it again later, and it may also be easier for them to start a conversation later.
Addiction is a disease. A substance addict, gambler, or other addict wants to hide their addiction, but you don't have to join in their secrecy. As someone close to the addict, you have a right to speak openly about addiction. Keeping the situation secret from friends and employers only maintains the situation and shelters the addict in a harmful way. You are not responsible for the addict's bad behavior, and you don't have to be ashamed of it or try to hide it. When your loved one is an addict, you need to figure out your boundaries and what you are prepared for and what you are not. We are all responsible for taking care of and prioritising our own wellbeing. Support your loved one when they want to sober up or recover. If the situation becomes too hard for you or the one you care for is not ready to take care of themselves, it is not wrong to detach yourself completely. Everyone must make their own wellbeing the most important thing in their lives. It is not rejection, but sometimes the only way to wake them up to the seriousness of the situation. As someone close to the addict, you have the same right to seek help for your situation.
Choose the right time and place to speak up. It is easier when you are both comfortable. It may be easier to talk about something else first and then voice your concern. Don't put pressure on your loved one to speak - the situation can be difficult for both of you, but still, bring your fears about their situation to light. Don't blame them, but don't let them blame you either. You can talk about it again later, and it may also be easier for them to start a conversation later.
Listen to your loved one, and by asking, make sure you understand them correctly. Be patient and also endure silence - it is hard to talk about difficult things. Give them hope and encouragement, and don't blame them. However, be honest and realistic. Ask for concrete examples of how the issue affects their daily lives and what they want to change. Be compassionate and kind to them, but also to yourself. Your loved one makes their own choices, but you also make your choices. Sometimes we don't like the choice someone else makes, but we only realize later that our choice did us no good. However, the fact that you have voiced your concern leaves your loved one with a feeling that you are interested: you care. You can talk about it and arouse thoughts, but they decide how they act.
Ask your loved one how you can help - could you think about it together? Ask them how they would like to proceed. What would they want to change? Can they influence what prevents them from changing? Remember that goals are achieved one step at a time, and you don't have to deal with everything alone. Consider together who else could help. You can suggest that you seek information or call someone who can help together, such as municipal social welfare and healthcare service or organization. Set aside time together with the one who needs help, and ask if you can escort them to a meeting, or go for coffee even after the meeting.
The situation of your loved one is not your fault
You may experience feelings of guilt: I can't feel tired or exhausted because I am not the one who is sick. Perhaps the situation is my fault, and I have made it possible for their addiction to emerge, for example. Everyone is responsible for their own decisions, you can offer support in the journey towards recovery and sobriety, but you are just a companion. The determination and desire to seek help, and the will to change the situation must arise within one who needs help.
When you are confronting your loved one with a difficult issue or suggesting seeking help, be prepared also for a reluctant answer. The issue may be hard to admit. Stigma aroung a the issue may also affect their willingness. Tell them, that there are different ways of help available. If they are reluctant to quit altogether you may also suggest toning down the harmful behaviur. You can also assure your loved one, that social and health care treatment also is based on confidentiality.
Pushing for the adenga or other negative approach often lead to more harm than good. Be however ready to talk more about the issue in the future. Be compassionate and patient waiting that your loved one is ready to seek for help - at the end of the day it is their choise to make. Changing a harmful behaviour is a process that might take time.
Pushing for the adenga or other negative approach often lead to more harm than good. Be however ready to talk more about the issue in the future. Be compassionate and patient waiting that your loved one is ready to seek for help - at the end of the day it is their choise to make. Changing a harmful behaviour is a process that might take time.
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