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Relationships

Being alone and loneliness

Being voluntarily alone is a different thing to being lonely
To your mind, being alone is as essential as being together. Being alone can be a positive asset and allow you to relax and calm down with yourself and your thoughts. It is important to learn how to enjoy being by yourself. Everyone needs privacy and solitude sometimes.

If being alone is not your choice, it can become a heavy burden. Loneliness affects almost everyone at some point in life. Loneliness often feels like there is no one who listens to, understands or supports you. When you are lonely, you don't get as much social interaction in everyday life as you would want or need. Social loneliness is the absence of a social network. Emotional loneliness is the feeling of lacking close or meaningful relationships, even when there are people around. Also, experiences of abandonment, rejection, or bullying can be challenging to overcome and, therefore, cause loneliness. Loneliness can be momentary, in which case it is often related to specific situations. Still, it is not always just a sense of exclusion, and a desire to have a group of friends, but a more permanent feeling that extends to many areas of life. Often loneliness can ease over time as situations in life change, but sometimes loneliness crushes and paralyzes more deeply. If loneliness feels bad, seek help.

It is natural to need people and friends close to you
While being alone can be an important step towards independence, moving into a new phase of life can bring various challenges with it. Taking responsibility for your own life can seem both exciting and scary, and uncertainty about the future can feel worrisome. Loneliness can deepen because of the end of a relationship, or being single for a long time. Even the start of a new relationship can make a person feel more lonely. The shame of loneliness can lead to covering up your feelings and avoiding social situations, increasing the loneliness even further.

How to get out of loneliness? It is good to know yourself and identify what is the best way forward for you. Considering and accepting your own situation as it is, without belittling or inflating, is an important first step. Accepting loneliness does not mean that you have to be content with it. You can actively try to change the situation. In many cases, loneliness feels stronger in the evenings and at weekends. That is when you have free time to think of others having fun together. Using intoxicants to ease the feeling of loneliness may seem tempting, but negative emotions such as depression, anxiety, and irritability often intensify afterwards. Tolerating momentary loneliness and being able to be alone is an important skill. Everyone has to spend different lengths of time alone, anyway. So instead of covering up or running away from loneliness, it's good to sit down with your thoughts and practice being alone.
I don't have to settle for loneliness
It is essential to listen to myself: is loneliness coming from the outside, or am I maintaining it myself? What keeps me from breaking out of this loneliness? Have I tried, and could I try again? I can choose to break out of my loneliness.
​Check out Nyyti's Life Skills Course (in Finnish): jakso 12: Sosiaalinen verkosto ja yksinäisyys.

Interaction
Doing good
Relationships and networks
Being alone and loneliness
Dating
Concern for a loved one
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Graafinen ilme ja kuvitukset: Janika Lähdes
Copyright © 2020 Kaakkois-Suomen Sosiaalipsykiatrinen yhdistys - Kakspy ry
  • Tuntuu.fi
  • Arki, tunteet ja jaksaminen
    • Mieli, tunteet ja itsetunto
    • Masennus ja ahdistus
    • Sukupuoli ja seksuaalisuus
    • Ajanhallinta ja stressi
    • Ruoka ja liikunta
    • Rentoutuminen, luonto ja uni
    • Harrastukset ja luovuus
  • Ihmissuhteet
    • Vuorovaikutus
    • Hyvän tekeminen
    • Ihmissuhteet ja verkostot
    • Yksinolo ja yksinäisyys
    • Parisuhde
    • Huoli läheisestä
  • Työ, opiskelut ja talous
    • Opiskelut
    • Työ ja toimeentulo
    • Rahat ja velka
    • Asuminen
  • Päihteet ja riippuvuudet
    • Mitä on riippuvuus
    • Alkoholi
    • Nikotiini
    • Pelaaminen ja someriippuvuus
    • Huumeet ja kannabis
  • Mistä apua
  • Tuntuu.fi
  • Emotions and coping in everyday life
    • Mind, emotions and self-esteem
    • Depression and anxiety
    • Gender and sexuality
    • Time management and stress
    • Food and exercise
    • Relaxation, nature and sleep
    • Hobbies and creativity
  • Relationships
    • Interaction
    • Doing good
    • Relationships and networks
    • Being alone and loneliness
    • Dating
    • Concern for a loved one
  • Work, studying and personal finance
    • Studying
    • Work and income
    • Finance and debt
    • Housing
  • Substance abuse and addictions
    • Addiction and the brain
    • Alcohol
    • Nicotine
    • Gambling, gaming and social media
    • Drugs and cannabis
  • Find help
  • Tuntuu.fi
  • Vardag, känslor och ork
    • Psyke, känslor och självkänsla
    • Depression och ångest
    • Kön och sexualitet
    • Tidshantering och stress
    • Mat och motion
    • Avslappning, natur och sömn
    • Hobbyer och kreativitet
  • Relationer
    • Interaktion
    • Goda gärningar
    • Relationer och nätverk
    • Frivillig och ofrivillig ensamhet
    • Parförhållande
    • Oro om närstående
  • Arbete, studier och ekonomi
    • Studier
    • Arbete och utkomst
    • Pengar och skuld
    • Boende
  • Rusmedel och beroende
    • Hjärnan och beroende
    • Alkohol
    • Nikotin
    • Spel och SoMe
    • Droger och cannabis
  • Sök hjälp